Becoming Three

Someday I will write a book about our story, if for nothing else than for a our kiddo to know how much his parents love each other and for how long we have loved each other. This post may get a bit TMI, but the reality is infertility needs to be talked about more because it affects at least 1 in 10 women, some studies are showing as many as 1 in 4. Regardless, this post is rather long to explain my history and then finding out we were about to become a family of three.

In late 2010, I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). A disease which is marked by cystic ovaries and many symptoms, one of which is infertility. Over the course of two years following my diagnosis, I was seen by a reproductive endocrinologist who basically told me after a chemical pregnancy I had little to no chances of conceiving on my own and after 3 failed IUI (for various reasons), the best course of action would be IVF. I was gutted. My dream for as long as I could remember was to be a mother and to be told at 30, when I wanted to have my 2 kids and be done having kids, that it would likely not happen, felt like the end of the world. Andrew was my biggest support during all of this, listening to me cry and vent, and offering several times to come hold my hand.

Fast forward to spring 2018. After some upsetting news and generally being tired of the upset. I made the decision that it was time to move on from the dream. I was finally with the person who loved me at my worst, saw me through my darkest, and laughs through life with me. Despite not having kids, we were the happiest we had ever been individually and together. I started to focus more on becoming my best self. #bestme2018 I joined a gym, which helped me really focus on my weight loss goals and helped me lose 25 pounds and regain my self-confidence. We started planning vacations: a cruise, another backpacking trip, possibly Europe. We started planning to update the house with new floors, painting, hardscaping, new landscaping, and making it our home. We started talking about planning a summer elopement, on what is technically our 19 year dateiversary, and then a big party at our favorite brewery. We were making plans and there was a lot of change coming our way.

In October, I made the painful decision to put my best friend of 11 years, Spaz, down after a very difficult year of old age and heart disease. The day after we put her down, I started getting my usual “aunt flow is coming” symptoms. Another part of PCOS is the absence of a regular cycle. It was a pretty rough month for me after losing Spaz. I slept a lot because I was depressed. It was hard to get up in the mornings. I didn’t have an appetite. I chalked it all up to depression. One of my dearest friends got married at the end of October and the day we left for the wedding I thought, “hmm it’s been three weeks of this mess, I’ll give it another week and then I’ll take a test.” Never fully intending on taking a test because I didn’t want to deal with the disappointment. After the wedding, I immediately had to leave for a work trip. The day after I got home from my work trip, I decided to take a personal day because I was exhausted. After taking care of a few things at the office, I came home and passed out for almost five house. This is completely unheard of for me. While sleeping I had a dream Spaz was laying on my chest, I felt like I could feel her; her ears, her tail, her breathing against my neck. It was the most vivid and surreal dream I’ve ever had. I woke up and thought, “might as well get this over with since I’m already sad, upset, and crying.” So to the bathroom I went, I put the test down to put a load of laundry in the washer, came back two minutes later, two lines. Not just two lines, but a darker test line than control line. To Google I went: Could this be a false positive? How common are false positives? Sent a picture to one of my best friends: Is this real? Sent a picture to my mom: I don’t know if this is false or not? The resounding answer was “no, oh my God!”

One of the reasons I had been told I would not be able to have children is because I had very low progesterone, which is why I didn’t have a monthly cycle regularly, and why PMS was such a pain for me. Immediately, knowing this information, I panicked. I hated the ob/gyn I was seeing and knew I needed another one, but had put it off. So I called my primary care doctor and told them “I just received a positive home pregnancy test, can you run a HCG beta and progesterone serum for me?” They said they could do all of that, but could not prescribe progesterone if it was needed. I was scheduled to go two hours later.

Oh crap, I need to tell Andrew. He’s at work. On a Wednesday, which were his busiest days. Oh and he just made the decision to turn in his notice over the weekend. This is going to go well. I text him asking if he could leave early. Nope, he’s in meetings until 4:45 that day. What’s up? Picture. Ok? Wait, I just sent you life changing news and all I get is “ok?”?!? Fine. Don’t get too excited, I am going to the doctor to have blood work done because of my history of miscarriage and low progesterone. Ok. At this point, I’m rolling my eyes and thinking “typical Andrew.” He offers to go to the appointment with me and instantly redeemed, followed by a picture of him grinning.

While waiting for my appointment, I text a couple local friends about their experiences with ob/gyns in the area. Got the name of one who was able to fit me in the following Wednesday. I explained my history of low progesterone and miscarriage and that I was having the bloodwork drawn later that afternoon, they told me once I had the results to call them and have the doctors office send it over and they will bump the appointment based on the number. So off to the primary care doctor I went, blazing positive test, no need for HCG, but they’ll do the progesterone in case it needs to be supplemented. First phlebotomist couldn’t get a good stick. I am very much a you get one try girl because I am a very hard stick and I let everyone know right off away. Next day, girl gets it first time. Friday I get the results. Progesterone: 7.58. It should have been somewhere around 11-20 for how far along I thought I was at that point. I called my new ob/gyn and my appointment was bumped to the following Monday.

To say I was a nervous wreck, understatement. I knew my history, but I also knew I had a natural progesterone topical which I could use until I spoke with the doctor. So I started that, just in case, as was suggested by a natropathologist I visited after the two years with the RE. The entire weekend every time I had a cramp or twinge, I immediately ran to the bathroom to check for blood. Monday rolled around, a scan confirmed there was a little sweet pea in there, with a good strong heartbeat. I thought I was between 6 and 7 weeks based on PMS symptoms and some basic charting I have done over the years. I was right at 6 weeks 1 day. With prescriptions for folic acid and progesterone in hand, I got in my car and cried tears of happiness and then of worry and then of happiness. I messaged Andrew who was a little upset he hadn’t gone because he wanted to see the baby on the scan and hear the heartbeat, I honestly didn’t expect a scan, just more blood work.

On November 4th we found out we were officially going to be parents sometime around the end of June.